Several anonymous sources are quietly reporting Donald Trump fell into a severe
penis-envy depression and began his attacks on President Obama's "birther"
status following details and photographs submitted to him by his investigators
showing the president's phallus as being substantially larger than his. "I've never
seen an American with those proportions," a dumbstruck and fuming Trump is
quoted as saying. "You only see that kind of equipment in the wilds of Africa."